Unshackled Identity

For so long… I was at war with myself.

My sexuality felt like a weight I couldn’t shake. I thought it defined me. I thought it dictated my worth. And I carried it everywhere—heavy, suffocating, unrelenting.

I remember the nights so vividly… staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. My mind spinning with questions I didn’t have answers for. Thoughts that whispered lies into every corner of my heart: You’ll never be enough. You’ll never be seen. You’ll always be overlooked. You’re broken. You’re unworthy.

The stress was relentless. The fear was suffocating. And I felt so alone. I wondered if anyone could understand. I even wondered if God could see me through all of it… if He could love me in the mess of my mind, in the chaos of my heart, in the shame I carried so tightly.

I tried to carry it on my own. I tried to pray my way out, think my way out, hide my way out. But the burden… it was too heavy. Every day felt like a fight to convince myself that I had worth beyond my fears, beyond my label, beyond being gay. And every night, the darkness returned, louder than before.

And then… one night, in the quiet desperation, I opened the Bible. I didn’t know what I was looking for. I just needed hope.

I came across Psalm 25:7: “Do not remember the sins of my youth or my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me.”

I read it again. And again.

Something inside me shifted. God was saying: I see you. I know your past. I know your shame. But it doesn’t define you. Your mistakes, your fears, your nights of despair—they are not your identity. My love is bigger than all of it. My grace covers every part of you.

And slowly… step by step… His truth began to replace the torment. His grace started to seep into my heart where fear had lived for so long. His love gave me strength where despair had ruled. His mercy whispered to me in the middle of my sleepless nights, saying: You are enough. You are mine. You are beloved.

Over time, I realized something radical: I am not defined by being gay. I am not defined by the shame I once carried. I am not defined by the sleepless nights, the harmful thoughts, the relentless stress, the fear of being overlooked.

Being gay… it is simply a mute point in God’s beautiful, bigger plan for my life. It is a detail—not the headline. It is part of my story, yes, but it does not define my worth, my purpose, or my future. My life is defined by God’s grace, His love, His mercy, and His plan for me.

Today, I am free.

I no longer live in the chains of shame or fear. I no longer define myself by labels or the mistakes of my past. I walk in peace where there was panic. I walk in joy where there was despair. I walk in confidence where there was insecurity.

God’s grace has transformed me. His love has carried me. And I stand here now—not because I am perfect, not because I have it all together—but because He has made me whole.

I am His. I am His child. And in Him, I am enough.

And the beauty of it all… is that my story is still unfolding. The sleepless nights, the stress, the fear—they no longer have power over me. They are chapters of a redemption story I am living every day. A story that belongs to God.

I am not defined by labels. I am not defined by fear. I am defined by His grace. And that… that is more than enough.

-Host